(Laugh­ter) End of In­ter­view in the Bar, & Bu­limia, Bor­der­line, Bras

I.

I’ve been very poignantly aware

of every per­son that’s walked in,

every per­son that’s sat down,

if they were male or fe­male,

if they were grown or if they were a child,

what was com­ing out of my mouth at the mo­ment that they sat down.

You know there’s just a lot of things that are just in­escapable about the emo­tional as­pect of what

we’re talk­ing about. But, um,

I feel free.

& that’s - I’ve con­tin­ued to feel that way the whole time.

& so when I’d have a lit­tle mo­ment of dis­com­fort, I’d ask my­self,

“So do you wanna stop?”

You know, while we’re talk­ing. & I, I thought, you know,

“Hell no. Do I re­ally care if some­one is lis­ten­ing? Not re­ally.”

(The click­ing noise one makes like a click chirp to the side of the mouth, as in, Nope.)

II.

& a lot of thoughts were going back to my mom, is she gonna ever hear this, & that’s the biggest

thing for this whole, like, over an hour now, that I’ve come back to every -

I’d love to know if there was a rhyth­mic

(laugh­ter)

place in my mind

that was re­cur­ring

be­cause there prob­a­bly is some­what of a rhythm to it!

(laughtalk­ing)

but um, that’s been the loud­est thing in my ear, is she gonna hear this one day?

&, you know I can say that though my heart quakes a lit­tle, if she does,

I can im­me­di­ately think right after that:

Oh God I hope she finds some kind of free­dom in it if she does.

& it’s OK that I’m a grown woman now,

& it’s good that I can be free.

So I don’t, I don’t -

I can move away from that dis­com­fort quickly & that feels re­ally good.

Be­cause I don’t ac­tu­ally care what any­body here thinks.

But I care an awful lot what she thinks!

(Laugh­ter)

Still, still at 33! Um.

& it’s good to own my own free­dom as a grown woman be­cause that’s when I start to re­ally find

my love for her, my ow- my mother, as her own grown woman.

In­stead of this per­pet­ual iden­tity that she’s just my mother

‘cause she is also her own grown woman.

She is some­one who also needs love & free­dom as much as I do.

(laugh­ter)

(light laugh­ter)

(laugh)

(Yeah)

(Oh that’s amaz­ing)

(that’s, that’s in­cred­i­ble)

(I love that)

(Mhmm)

III.

Yeah, I just want to say one more thing be­cause as you said that I kind of like be­came aware of

some­thing I did, right be­fore we started,

& I don’t know what you were doing I think you were look­ing at your pa­pers or some­thing,

& you may’ve no­ticed,

but I didn’t re­al­ize until just now, re­ally, how truly sym­bolic it was.

I was sit­ting here,

& I was think­ing how hot I was,

& I was think­ing how much I did not want

to have on my bra,

& so I took it off!

(Laugh­ing)

Be­fore you even asked me any ques­tions, I stuffed it in my purse.

& I thought, you know what, that feels good, I’ve never done that in pub­lic be­fore,

(laugh­ing de­light)

and maybe next time, I’ll just leave with­out it even on

(laugh­ter)

be­cause it’s re­ally a pain in my butt.

That was what led into the whole, ques­tions & I think that that’s a re­ally good, just, easy way

to say how I was feel­ing, like, I’m ready, I’m ready to take it off, I’m ready to say it. So.

(laugh­ing)

And I’ve been so en­vi­ous!

(laugh­ing)

Thank you! I re­ally re­ally ap­pre­ci­ate it. It was cool.

I can’t wait. It’s spe­cial no mat­ter what it is.

Yeah. What are there two, like two takes, be­cause one lasted about like thirty?